Courtesy is a word we love to throw around, but it needs a bit of context. I feel more-than-usually qualified to speak on this topic not out of a deeply-rooted virtue, but because my absolute favorite sin is wrath.
There are many stories I refer to as “beer stories”. They’re usually long, and not exemplary of my better parts, so I have a cost I charge for telling them: One beer. They usually last about as long as one beer does, and the beer brings enough “you’re awesome, Mister Wistric” to the party to balance out the self-recriminations involved in the story, and hey, even if it doesn’t, I’ve still had a beer.
There is a two or three beer story
Some of you know this already.
In 2007, about a week before I was originally slated to be made a Free Scholar (I didn’t know this at the time), I lost my temper at a Baronial practice. Since nobody’s handed me two beers, you get the Bud Light: Wistric got pissed off and made an ass of hisself (by slo-pitch chucking his mask across the field, which is why certain references to putting my mask back on come up). Wistric did not help himself by proceeding to piss off… er… every white scarf in the kingdom, more or less, a short while later, with one e-mail (another beer story). And closed out the year by doing it again (and another). Which would be, pretty much, why Wistric was not scarved until a full year after the “mask incident”.
In that time, Alejandro set a task for me: Seek out certain notables in the Kingdom, and ask their guidance and input, especially on the embodiment of personal courtesy. I will try to recount what they taught me, and what I’ve also learned in the meantime. Also, until this task was complete, I had to wear a chain locked around my ankle whenever I was in garb (which meant I was DFB’ing in the woods battle while jangling like Jacob Marley. Field awareness, people, really).
Words from the Notables
Courtesy and politeness are an armor against the harm others wish to do to you.
It is okay to step away from the SCA, or just from whichever particular aspect is aggravating you, and go find something else for awhile, or longer. Having other hobbies is GOOD. It keeps this one in perspective.
Be aware of yourself and your mood before it becomes a crisis. Always eat lunch. Low blood sugar has been the downfall of more Atlantian fencers than any Easterner’s blade.
Remember who you fight for, who you represent, and who your actions reflect upon.
Forgive those who wrong you, including yourself.
Pay attention to the words of the oaths you take and the pledges you make.
Always say thank you, either because the person earned your gratitude or because they were a good learning experience.
And remember, as in warfare, pick your battles. Don’t waste your energy on clashes that gain you nothing.
That’s Just Pride Fucking With You
Ultimately, a lot of what pisses me off comes to my pride. I am on a mission to be the biggest, baddest mother fucker on the planet (hey, it’s a goal), and when people throw unreasonable blocks in my path I get cranky. That crankiness? That’s just pride fucking with me. Fuck pride. Even this past week, pride got the better of me, I got cranky, and ended up making some apologies (gladly made, but more glad if never needed). A man can maintain his honor and reputation while being humble, and probably should.
I see the same burden on many, many others. On the one hand, the SCA is just a game. On the other, those who want to excel at this game, and at the art of defense, must suffer a bit of humiliation for it. Buddhists and the United States Marine Corps both preach the destruction of the self as a necessary step towards perfection, and it’s much easier to destroy your own pride than to suffer as others do it to you.
In the balance, there’s no damage any other person can do to you through any action that is greater than what you can do to yourself, really damn easily. If you think, as I have at times, that so and so being a dumbass is going to keep me from proving how balls-out awesome I am, and you get cranky about it, you will prove to those observing you that you are, in fact, not balls-out awesome. A closing thought on pride: The first rule of Discworld is “Do not act incautiously when confronting a little bald wrinkly smiling man”. No mention is made of burly athletic types who totally look balls-out awesome and like they’re totally going to kick your ass and are really proud of having achieved that much awesome. Master Geoffrey is just about the friendliest, low-key, laid back guy out there. He’s also bald, smiles a lot, and is getting on in years. Beware Master Geoffrey.
So what’s courtesy
Courtesy is not the easy politenesses of every day, holding doors and letting your opponent turn away from the sun when they’re legged (no matter what Silver tells you to do). Courtesy is the gift of your comfort, pride, and opportunity to another, no matter how hard it hurts. And it will hurt. But, as Mistress Rosalind sang, and also wrote in the book of Wistric’s hard, hard lesson, “Nobility is not a crown/Chivalry not the sword you bear/Courtesy not empty words/They are the heart of what we share.”
I made this offer on the Atlantian Rapier Net, I’ll make it here: If you ever need advice on how to keep from giving the finger to the world, and a place to vent, you come find me.
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