Wistric’s Pet Peeve: “Bouncy Draws” and Other Bullshit   3 comments

(in which Wistric speaks in an ungentlemanly way of ungentlemanly behavior)


Lords and ladies, we too often forget that we are allegedly playing with Ginsu-sharp steel.

Many are the times when I’ve laid blade on an opponent’s neck and pulled.  Sometimes, the motion of the opponent INTO the blade can cause the sword to bounce off their mask frame, they say nothing and the fight continues until, at the end of the pass, I hear the phrase “Your draw was bouncy”.

Being, as I am, courteous (to a certain approximation of “courtesy”), I refrain from saying “ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH?”    But I want to.  Oh how I want to.  Instead I nod, and make a point to kill them extra next time.

But here I have a place where I can cut loose, where it is indeed better to be honest, so I’ll ask: Given that we are, theoretically, fighting with sharp blades, without armor, in just a shirt and maybe a doublet, what, exactly, did my blade bounce off of?  Jugulars do not, it’s worth noting, provide rigid protection.

Armor, please remember, does not excuse the calling of shots.  So, no, that was not a bouncy goddamn draw.  Steel tends not to bounce off of skin.

And while we’re on drawcuts: 8 inches ain’t a lot.  Two handwidths.  One “it’s 10 inches, really!” of the Average Guy, plus a couple fingers.*  And adequate pressure to break the skin?  Also, not nearly what you think it takes.  While I was a Boy Scout I acquired a number of scars.  I can tell you exactly how much pressure it takes a Swiss Army knife to slice your skin:  Fuck all.  Mouse farts, maybe?

All those fencers who don’t take a draw cut unless you’re pushing them off their feet with your blade, I invite you to play a game with me: “How much can you bleed from a low-pressure knife cut?”  Having inadvertently played this game many times, I can tell you the answer is “A whole fucking lot”.  Enough to make your mom turn pale.  Having cut myself with a knife, and having hit myself with an axe (and had a saber fight with machetes, oh the good old days), I’ll take a percussive cut any day.  Those suckers at least heal easily.

I was out in Caid recently, where I saw a fencer lunge in, place his blade on an exposed arm, and pull as he popped out.  It drew not much more than 8 inches.  He was not pushing his opponent off balance with the draw.  It was a beautiful thing and it was a damn good draw and it would never have been called in Atlantia.  And that is some sorry, sorry shit.

Other bullshit: The epee strip kill.  Generally identified by the shout of “My shot landed a split second before yours, I win!”  Hell no.  You lunged onto my extended sword.  Did your tip land before mine did?  Yep.  Are either of us really walking away from that?  Nope.  Don’t like it?  Close the goddamn line..

There’s more, of course, but it really all boils down to “If you don’t think that would have been good, try it with a Victorinox on your bare skin.  I’ll go get the Chirurgeon.”



*This leads me to a proposed change in the rules: A valid draw is one penis length with positive pressure.  Yes, that means at Ymir just the taped portion around the tip counts as a valid draw.

Posted May 13, 2009 by wistric in Musings

3 responses to Wistric’s Pet Peeve: “Bouncy Draws” and Other Bullshit

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