Wistric’s Pet Peeve: Don’t Ask Stupid Questions   6 comments

You’ve probably been there:

We’re standing around with our thumbs up our butts, waiting for lay-on, and the marshals come over to give us a briefing.  Now, this is an excellent time for two things: Listening to the marshals, and keeping your goddamn mouth shut.

Do not say “Is there DFB?”  Assume there is.  (If you don’t know HOW to DFB, asking “How do you DFB?” is perfectly valid!  You should make sure you know how to DFB properly!)

Do not say “Is that well-concealed patch over there in-bounds?”  Assume it is.

Do not say “What happens if we capture rez point?”  What happens is whatever you decide happens once you have enveloped their rez point.

Keeping in mind the “Don’t be stupid” rule in the Atlantian rulebook, don’t ask any further “rules clarifications” questions.  If it’s within the Atlantian rules, assume you can do it.

When the dumbass next to me pipes up and says “Is there DFB?” and the marshals get into a discussion and finally say “No”, I feel I should be obliged to stab him at “Lay on”.  When the dumbass on the other side says “Can we go over in that area?” and the marshals say Yes, but now the enemy knows EXACTLY WHAT OUR PLAN IS, I really am going to kill him at “Lay on”.

There is a phenomenon I’ve encountered that I refer to as “The Wistric Rule”.  Basically, at some point during a series of melees I do something and the marshal thinks, “I should have said something about that.”  And then they do.  When they do this in the middle of the fight, I spend a year longer without a gold scarf.  When they do this after the fight, I’ve been able to execute my strategy, exploit my loophole, and get the victory condition.  And while the marshal proceeds to discuss the change in rules with the fighters, I start looking for the next loophole.

But I swear to Spike, if you stick close my loophole and lay my strategy out for the entire world to see, you will not see anything other than rez point for that entire battle.


ETA: Other stupid questions include:
“Can we move their flag?” If you want to move it, and the marshal hasn’t thought about that yet, move it.  Don’t let the opposition in on the secret.  And if the marshal hasn’t thought about whether or not the flags are mobile in a game of capture the flag (which is, let’s face it, pretty essential to scenario design), it’s his own fault if there’s a bruhaha.
“Can we move our flag?” What a great way to cut away a thousand strategic options, and expose your thinking to the enemy.  Again, if the marshal hasn’t thought about it, he’s already made a big mistake.
“Can we team kill?/Is there friendly fire?/Can we suicide?” Somebody asked this once, the marshal said no, and I ended up sitting for half the battle deep in the enemy’s backfield because I got legged.  If you think you should ask this, think about spending fifteen minutes sitting in the dirt, not doing a danged thing.  Then keep your mouth shut.

Posted February 2, 2009 by wistric in Melee, Wistric's Weekly Warfare

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